Christimas Shopping

It's kind of blizzarding (it's my blog, I can make up words) out there. Schools are closed; the roads are crap. Bostonians are somewhat foul; everyone seems kind of angry, hopeless, and dejected -- all rolled into one. Kind of like after Tom Brady went down in the first game of the season. It goes without saying that people are pretty much over winter in New England. I, on the other hand, am not as bothered by this storm. The snow abounds, but I'm pretty sure there is a little kick in my step on this fine day. I'm just glad Mother Nature chose today and not Friday.

So yesterday I spent quite a bit of just-in-case money for the trip. A just-in-case hundred bucks on travel insurance (if I need to be medically evac'd, god forbid, they'll cover me up to a million dollars). A just-in-case fifty bucks on just-in-case anti-malaria meds and a just-in-case prescription for Ciprofloxacin (look it up). Just-in-case is a strange mindset to have while doing last minute planning for a potentially reality shaking, comfort zone shattering, life changing, spiritually challenging travel experience.

Everything seems to be wrapping up well at TSS. The loose ends have been tied and my team members are ready (if not reluctantly so) to cover my ass while I go play in Africa. I wouldn't be going on this adventure if it weren't for their flexibility. I think I'll be bringing them South African wine or something of the sorts. I'm crossing my fingers for a crisis-free month when it comes to clients. It will be nice not to be here, though. Some of the behind the scenes agency stuff is currently acting as an energy suck. So, I'm looking forward to not wasting my brain and emotional capacity on nonsense. A recharge is welcomed.

On the flip side of that, I am nervous. So much of what I'm about to embark on is beyond my own personal history of experiences. All of it, in fact. We'll put it this way: a) I truly love my life and b) I am a control freak. Now for the break down.... I absolutely adore my friends and the people I choose to spend my time with. My family both gets me and supports me. I genuinely enjoy my job and am humbled to work with the women that have allowed me to be a part of their healing journey. I love going to pottery class; I look forward to my new gym routine. All of these things meshed together result in a happy Greta. Some of common factors here are choice and control. I choose to have the relationships I do. I choose to work where I work. I have control over the decisions I make; and therefore the life I lead. I like my life, and I like my life because I have control over it and there is routine to it. I own it.

Everything about the upcoming month challenges all of that. There will be no routine. I will only have so much control. Each day will be different. My control freakness will be challenged in a major way (that leaves me with an unsettled feeling). I know somethings; there is even more that I do not know. I know I'll be volunteering at Place of Hope; I don't know what that will entail. I know I'm going on a safari; I don't know what the bush will smell like or what the animals will sound like. I know I'll be in Cape Town for my birthday; I don't know how I'll celebrate. I know I will meet people who will blow me away; I don't know what that will feel like. I know I'll be using public transportation in Cape Town; I don't have any freakin' clue how I'm going to figure it out. I know I will witness extreme poverty; I don't yet know how I will balance my feelings of guilt and being compelled to make a difference.

I've just overwhelmed myself. Moving on.

On another note, I've pulled a Christmas Shopping a la Greta move (Alycia knows exactly what I'm talking about). You know when you start and finish your Christmas Shopping early? And you're supremely proud of yourself? You feel like you've been super productive and can now avoid the stress that is last minute shopping? And you kind of feel like you won something? Except, when I do that... I still manage to shop. I tell myself I'm done, everyone has lovely gifts and all is well. But then, I'll run to Target to buy laundry detergent or something boring and completely unrelated to the holidays... and I'll see something that speaks to me on a serious level. And all of the sudden, Mom just got herself another Christmas present! Then I feel compelled to keep it fair and equal and everyone gets another gift! So, the whole point of doing the shopping early is now completely null and void. Like, what was the point of shopping early if I'm gonna be shopping all the way til the end anyways?

I am effectively doing this with packing. Thought I was done on Sunday. Except, I've tossed in a few things here and there everyday since. Ugh. I have to give myself some serious rules. I'm not allowed to put anything new in my suitcase unless I take something else out. For real.

PS., It's currently 77 F in Cape Town.