Conflict.

Today was another day of volunteering at Place of Hope. It was great. In the morning we participated in a parenting support group with about 8 of the residents. They have all been through so much, but have such hope and optimism for the future. Janita's husband burned down her house, but she continually spoke about how grateful she is to be at POH and how she sees good things for her and her children in the future. Amanda is newly and proudly single and hopes to be for at least another 10 years; she shared with me that POH has provided her with an opportunity to take a deep breath and grow as a woman and mother. She no longer disciplines her children by hitting them. Patricia is energetic, athletic, and youthful; her birthday is next week. She'll be 40, but looks like she could be 28. She tells funny jokes and her laugh is infectious. And the children were as precious as ever. In the afternoon, Lee Anne and I got down and dirty with the linen closet - quite the project!

With each day that I've volunteered, I get closer to being 100% sure that the differences between DV at home and DV in SA are minimal and rare. The same themes run through the women's stories. The thread of trauma weaves every survivor together, as does her resiliency, love for her children, and hope for new beginnings. The differences that I have noticed are not between the experiences of the women, but between agency's programming and funding, and the specifics of the larger system (ie, there is no South African program that resembles Section 8).

When I step outside of myself, it was a beautiful day full of learning and meaningful conversation, but it was a tricky one for me. I've found myself emotionally caught up with some nonsense from home. If I was at home, I would probably allow myself the space to think about these things, but because I'm living this incredible opportunity in South Africa, I'm being far less forgiving. After being sad and hurt and confused, I find myself mad at myself for being such. I'm in Africa, my life is changing, I'm learning and growing, seeing and experiencing things I could only dream of, and meeting people that are having a major impact on me... and I spent many moments today thinking about bullshit from home. I don't want to miss out on anything; I don't want to go home and regret for one single second that I didn't take full advantage of this opportunity that has inexplicably fallen into my lap. So today has been a bit of this vicious cycle where I'm hurt about said nonsense, mad that I'm hurt, conflicted over it all. Then I force myself to be present, before falling back to the beginning again. Here's to hoping that tomorrow brings some processing and resolution.